Meditation Struggles #1

“One, one, one, one, one…” I count the number slowly to myself as my first inhale fills my chest.

My ear itches.

“Perfect!” I think, remembering immediately to abandon all thoughts, and feeling guilty and like a failure. “An itchy ear during meditation is a great way to test my concentration!”

“One, one, one, one…” I continue counting as the inhale reverses and becomes an exhale, feeling great that my ear is itching badly but I haven’t yet moved or reacted to it. “I am a fucking wiinnnnneeerrrr at this concentration thing!”

I rest in between breaths, and begin the second slow inhale. “Two, two, two, two…” throbs the count in time with my slow heartbeats. Everything is fine. This is fine.

My ear really, really itches.

“No worries,” I think, remembering again not to think anything, “I already made it like twenty seconds without it bothering me much. It’ll be cool just to observe the itch without reacting to it. I wonder what that will tell me about my concentration and willpower?”

The second slow inhale turns into the second slow exhale. “Two, two, two, two, two….”.

Again internally and sinfully thinking: “Gosh this has been like a full forty-five seconds without even bothering about this annoying itch. It’s getting worse but I can totally hang on and prove this to myself. I am going to be a fucking transcendent being if I can get to slow breath number one-hundred without itching this thing. Bring it onnnnn!”

“Three, three, thre–”

Fuck it.

I itch the hell out of my ear like a dog going crazy on a flea.

Enlightenment tomorrow.

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